Let's Be Careful Out There

The Internet is a wonderful way to make new friends and help run your life. There is a true information highway, banking at the touch of a finger, shopping, mail, and business opportunities. People can work from home in ways they never dreamed of before. You can get your education on-line. In my case, it allows me to be in instant contact with family and friends overseas making me a bit less homesick. But for all the wonderful things that happen there are ways that the Internet can be a disaster.

I have just watched what happens when miscommunication occurs between two people that considered themselves the best of friends. And it is really very sad. They met on-line. And that is how I met them.

The gory details are not important. What is important is that life on the Internet can seduce you in to a false sense of well-being. We enjoy meeting new people and we start to share the details of our lives. We feel we have made a connection. We form fast attachments and email furiously back and forth. Sometimes we even get to meet in person. But mostly this all happens while we are on-line in the comfort of our own home.

Often we find ourselves spending more and more time on-line so we can spend time with these new friends. They can become more real than the people around you. Gradually, you can become more and more intimate with these friends.

It is easier in may ways to be friends on the Internet. Easier to share the intimacies when you are not looking in to the other person’s eyes or reading their body language. Perhaps this makes us feel safer because we are not being ‘judged’. It is individual for everyone.

There is danger in allowing friendships to develop so quickly. I am not being cynical. Friendship needs to develop over time. Shared experiences. Not just entering a contest together or sharing a joke on IM or email. In some ways Internet friendships are like reading a book by a well-loved author. We fall in love with their characters and the lives they live. We relate to their experiences because maybe we have had a similar life experience. We want to keep the book and read it again. But we can’t live there. And we can’t live on the Internet.

Not being in the same room or even in the same town. Not ever sharing a meal or seeing how a person acts around others. Never seeing another’s environment or their friends and family – all these things affect who a person really is. And without them we can really only guess who the other person is. So we run the risk of being disappointed. And hurt and hurting the other person back.

I am not saying that we should never make on-line friendships or that they are bad. I have been enriched by the many new friends I have made on-line. Yet, I have taken it slow. I try not to make demands on these friendships or put expectations on them that the other person may not be able to meet. I try to enjoy the people for who I perceive them to be and hope that they will enjoy knowing me. I try to be clear about what I think they are trying to communicate. And I take it slow. That is important – taking it slow.

Two of my friends didn’t do that. And now they are angry and hurt. They are disappointed with each other And disillusioned. And it is very sad to see. Because I am sorry they are hurting and I like them both.

The lesson here is to take advantage of what the Internet can offer but do so with your eyes open and tread carefully. We can have friends all around the world or even across the street – on-line. But we need always, to be aware. And never make more of life on-line then it really is. Opportunity but not the most important thing in our lives.